{Birth Story} : Where I was Born Serie Project | Bianca
Today it is Bianca that told Ochre birth story, after a first traumatic birth .
My decision to birth at home originated from a place of wanting a different birth experience to my first. One where I felt safe and supported. After a traumatic first birth I still deeply believed natural physiological birth without intervention was possible. So I gathered my birth team and set out with determination to do the work. Birthing at home makes complete sense to me.
I fully expected to give birth after my due date as I had where my first son and I don’t put much stock into due dates. My birth team wasn’t worried either so I felt at ease about the timing my baby and body would choose.
Leading up to the birth I did have some anxieties come up around the possibility of this baby being in a posterior position (as my first son was) and also the possibility of transferring to hospital. I found breathwork the most helpful tool that supported with these anxieties that would arise.
The only thing I was very set on was having a homebirth. I was open minded about what that looked like as I didn’t want to be too rigid about it all. I felt supported by my birth team I had surrounded myself with.
I was experiencing mild surges all day but wasn’t sure if they were going to turn into anything (in hindsight I was in denial haha!) I sipped on raspberry leaf tea throughout the day and finished my Hypobirthing audio book/did some of the meditations from it. When I went to bed that night I had the urge to watch water births online so I did so which was really positive and put me in a good mood while I was in labour but didn’t realise I was!
I messaged one of my midwives around 9:00pm to let her know I was experiencing some minor cramping in my front and back. The back pain was making me feel paranoid the baby may be posterior so I asked if I should put some acupuncture needles in case the baby was. She encouraged me to rest and to put the needles in if I felt the need.
The surges began waking me up just after midnight. For a while I could continue to sleep in between as they weren’t that painful at that point. Around 3:00am I felt like I needed something else to help with the pain so I woke my husband up and said I didn’t know if it was actually labour but asked him to help me put the Tens machine pads on and to make me up a hot water bottle. He asked me if I thought things were happening and I responded I wasn’t sure but suggested he get some rest so he went back to sleep. I laid on my side with the pads on my back and the hot water bottle on my front to try get some more rest.
At 3:50am I messaged the midwives to let them know that I was having surges around 10 minutes apart. Our other son Bodhi then came into our bed at around 4:00am so I decided to change up positions and got out of bed onto the exercise ball with the tens machine. I turned my birth playlist on a low volume and laboured in the dark.
I was also experiencing back labour pains so having had a posterior birth before I was a bit concerned this bub may be posterior so I remember thinking I better try certain positions in case he was. That way my mind could be at ease knowing I had tried to support him to change positions if he was.
As surges became more intense and closer together I thought to myself I don’t remember the surges being this painful.
I’m not sure what time at some point I felt like the ball wasn’t doing it for me anymore so I then started to get on my hands and knees during the surges and walking around a bit in between. I could feel my hahah descending during the surges which was surreal! As they ramped up I told myself I can do this and was counting as I moved through each surge. I was finding the Tens machine incredibly helpful for the back pain. As I laboured and moaned on my hands and knees I felt my baby descending which was the most surreal feeling.
Around 4:45am I messaged my birth photographer to say I was having surges but wasn’t sure when she should come over.
At 5:00am I messaged my first midwife again and said I had the acupuncture needles in and things were ramping up. I was trying to rest between surges.
Around 5:30am I properly woke Brad up and told him I was actually in labour after being in denial for hours. I was also annoyed with myself at this point as I had gone to bed late and hadn’t had a lot of sleep. Brad got up and started setting up the birth space, altar and fairy lights etc. I also realised in hindsight we forgot to light my candles. It’s funny what we forget when in labour land.
Brad asked if I wanted something to eat and I said I would try so he made me up a plate of watermelon and some electrolytes which I nibbled on and sipped.
At some point I remember being embraced by Brad during surges and me saying I don’t want to be transferred to hospital or for things to go like they did last time. Brad responded in the most perfect of ways by reassuring me that it was a different birth and a different experience. He reminded me that I was doing it.
Bodhi slept through in our bed until around 6:00am and once the birth space was set up I asked Brad to tend to him so I could focus on getting through each surge.
Just before 7:30am my birth photographer messaged me asking how I was and I said I couldn’t talk much anymore and wasn’t sure if things would go quickly. I think my husband also spoke to her over the phone and suggested she come over soon.
My first midwife arrived around 7:30am and the photographer arrived not long after her. The midwife called Brad beforehand and based on what he was telling her about me suggested he start filling up the pool. I decided to wait to get in the water as I wanted the midwife to have a feel of bub to see if she could tell what position he was in. I still thought I was ages away from giving birth! While I was waiting I continued to move through the surges and my eldest son jumped in for a bit to have a little swim.
I went to the toilet just before getting in the pool and I noticed I had a ‘bloody show’ which reassured me things were progressing at least.
When the midwife arrived I had her check me and she said she was pretty sure he wasn’t posterior. I asked her why I was having back pain and she said it may just be the way I labour. I took off the Tens machine and got in the water. I was disappointed the water didn’t seem to help as much with the pain as the Tens machine but I was set on birthing in the water so I stayed in. I used some birthing combs a little bit and the midwife plus Brad did hip squeezes during the surges to try help but the back pain felt overwhelming and it was difficult to get comfortable. Up until this point I didn’t want any assistance with the surges as I felt like it was easier to just focus and breathe through them on my own.
I was still experiencing back pain and started feeling pressure in my bum.
I asked my midwife if she thought I would have my baby that day as I was still worried he may be posterior and I would have a long labour like my first. In hindsight it makes me laugh as it was so quick compared to my first!
The second midwife turned up 15 minutes before I gave birth. I was so happy she managed to make it.
It felt so sudden when I felt his head crowning and I exclaimed this as I put my hand down there. I also yelled out why does no one say crowning could be so painful?
I felt an overwhelming sense of stretching and fear came up around tearing. I felt like if I didn’t slow down it could be more likely so I told myself to be patient even through the burn and I pushed his head out over a few surges. Once his head pushed through his body shot out quickly. Afterwards the midwives said they think his waters broke at this point. I lifted my baby out of the water, unwrapped the cord from around his neck and brought him to my chest. He was a bit floppy at first and my midwives suggested to give him a rub which I did and shortly after he regained tone and bellowed out a cry. I saw a look of relief on my husband’s face amongst his tears and all around me they all exclaimed “you did it!” And I repeated “I did it!” as a surreal feeling enveloped me. I had achieved my homebirth! The midwives wrapped a towel over bub and I as our family welcomed our new addition. I loved that the midwives didn’t impair this in any way by trying to touch our baby. They gave us our time and space to enjoy being a new family of four.
At some point we transitioned from the pool to the bedroom to get comfortable waiting for the placenta. Over an hour later the placenta hadn’t yet came out and I’d tried lots of different positions etc. I ended up asking for the oxytocin shot as I felt over it by that point. After having the shot it came out shortly after and the midwives took the time to look over the placenta and to explain all the different aspects of it which I found fascinating. We also did a placenta print.
I fed bub and enjoyed some skin to skin with him then had a shower and got comfy in my pajamas whilst my husband had some skin to skin.
Shortly after my midwives examined me and said I’d sustained a couple of first degree tears that didn’t need stitching.
Once we were all settled in bed everyone left and we soaked up our newborn bubble. It was honestly the most blissful experience.
This birth was so different to my first for many reasons but ultimately mostly because it was so healing and I felt so supported by my birth team that I had surrounded myself with. Every step of the way my opinions, values and decisions felt honoured and respected. Brad and my eldest son were amazing throughout. Whilst I wanted to be left alone and not touched a lot of the time my son gave me some cuddles and Brad reassured me the whole way that I could do it and he believed in me. I’m so proud of myself and everything I did to prepare for a different experience. And I truly believe my baby and I manifested this birth together.
By the time I gave birth I was 40 weeks and 5 days (not that I put much stock in this). I had a feeling I would go over like my first and I felt so at peace about it all. I also had a feeling bub would be born a Leo and he was.
So grateful to have experienced such a healing birth!
To other women considering a homebirth who may have fears or doubts arising - you can do it and are capable! And fear will exist. Do it anyway. Unpack your fears and the stories you have told yourself about birth. Sit with them. Offer them kindness and curiosity. Courage is not the absence of fear, it’s moving forward in spite of it. 🤍✨
If you would like to be part of my serie “ Where I was Born” like Bianca did, please click here or if you would like me to document your birth, you can find all the information here note that I have special offer for 5 future mum to get your birth photograph all on film